Writing Your Vows
How to write your wedding vows: a practical guide
You don't need to be a poet. You just need a simple process, some honest reflection, and the courage to speak from your heart.
Ceremony Guide · 10 min read
Writing your vows can feel intimidating, but it's one of the most meaningful things you'll do on your wedding day. Any couple can write vows that move their partner to tears — even if writing isn't your strength. You just need a process to follow and the willingness to be honest.
Key Takeaways
- Any couple can write meaningful vows by following a straightforward process — even if writing isn't your strength.
- Great vows mix three elements: your love story, your heartfelt promises, and your personality — humor, faith, shared dreams.
- Start brainstorming at least 4–6 weeks before your wedding day and agree on length and tone with your partner upfront.
- Aim for 1–2 minutes of speaking time each — roughly 200–350 words.
- Use specific memories, realistic promises, and your natural speaking voice rather than formal or templated language.
- Practice reading your vows aloud to check flow and timing before the day.
What wedding vows really are — and why they matter
Wedding vows are public promises you make to your future spouse. They're not a poetry contest, a performance for your guests, or a test of your writing ability. They're a declaration of commitment — spoken in your own words, in front of the people who matter most.
Modern personal vows blend tradition with authenticity. Traditional vows — "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse" — offer a time-tested framework that many couples still embrace for their simplicity and emotional resonance. Writing your own builds on that foundation with the specific, irreplaceable details of your relationship.
The key is balancing romance with realism. Don't promise "every day will be perfect." Instead, promise to show up on hard Tuesdays in November 2036, when life takes unexpected turns. A vow like "I promise to always save you the last slice of pizza, even on Friday nights after a 12-hour shift" says more about your love than any generic declaration.
1 Step one
Get on the same page with your partner
Before you start writing, have a quick conversation with your partner — not about exact words, but about expectations. This keeps your ceremony flowing smoothly and prevents the awkward moment where one person speaks for five minutes and the other for thirty seconds.
Things to agree on upfront
- Length: Target 250–400 words or 60–120 seconds each
- Tone: Serious, funny, spiritual, or a mix — decide together so there are no jarring contrasts
- Boundaries: Most couples avoid mentioning exes, overly private details, or arguments that don't need a public audience
- Structure: Consider aligning on a broad shape — memory, then promises, then a closing — even if exact wording differs
- Timing: Will you exchange vows during the ceremony, at your first look, or privately the night before?
2 Step two
Reflect before you write
Strong vows start with reflection, not wordsmithing. Think of this as a discovery phase — gathering raw material before you start writing. Grab a notebook and free-write for 15–20 minutes without editing. The goal is to get your honest, unfiltered thoughts onto the page before your inner critic shows up.
Reflection prompts to get you started
- What was your first impression of your partner?
- Describe the moment you knew this person was the one.
- What's the hardest challenge you've faced together, and how did they support you?
- What quirky habit do they have that you secretly love?
- Envision an ordinary Sunday in 2030 — what does your life look like together?
- List five traits your partner has that make you a better person.
- What shared dream or adventure excites you most about your future?
- Recall your first date and other small personal moments that define your relationship.
Be specific. "Our first road trip to Asheville in October 2021" hits harder than "we've been through so much." Mention dates, places, and gestures. These concrete details become the foundation of vows that only you could write. This brainstorm is raw material — don't worry about polishing yet.
3 Step three
Use a simple structure so you're never staring at a blank page
Structure removes pressure and keeps your vows organized. Use this four-part framework — you can shuffle the order, but keeping all four elements in the mix gives your vows shape and momentum.
| Section | Purpose | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Past | Your story so far | "We met at that rainy coffee shop in 2018, and everything changed." |
| Present | Why you're choosing them today | "I choose you for your patience, your laugh, and your unwavering support." |
| Future | Your promises (4–6 core commitments) | "I promise to walk alongside you through every season." |
| Closing | A hopeful or light final line | "Here's to our unphotographed Tuesdays in 2045." |
Aim for 4–6 promises rather than a long list. This keeps vows focused and easier to deliver in the moment. The structure should feel like a conversation with your partner — not a speech to the crowd.
4 Step four
Turn notes into real promises — without sounding cheesy
There's a difference between storytelling lines and actual vows. Stories set the scene; promises commit you to the years ahead. Include both big and small commitments — the mix is what makes vows feel real.
Promise types to include
- Big promises: loyalty through illness, showing up in conflict, supporting each other through career pivots and major life changes
- Small, everyday promises: making coffee, handling the school run, late-night dog walks, being each other's biggest fan
Avoid unrealistic absolutes. "We'll never fight" sets you up to fail. Instead: "I promise to keep listening, even when we disagree about money or in-laws." Write in first person, in your natural speaking voice — imagine you're talking across the kitchen table, not delivering a formal essay. Awkward phrasing disappears when you write like you actually talk.
5 Step five
Add your personality — humor, faith, culture, and story
This is where vows stop sounding generic and start sounding like you two. The goal is to write something your partner will recognize immediately as yours.
Ways to make vows unmistakably yours
- Specific memories: your first trip together, moving in during that snowstorm, adopting your rescue dog, the small ordinary moments that have become your whole life
- Gentle humor: reference what you love about their quirks, include one inside joke that can be understood in a single line
- Faith or culture: a brief verse, blessing, or tradition that matters to your families — "With all my heart and with God as witness, I promise to pray with you and for you"
- Shared references: a favorite show, song, or team — but limit it to one. One reference lands; five becomes a comedy routine
"The best vows aren't measured in word count — they're measured in meaning."
6 Step six
Edit, time, and practice — but don't over-polish
Editing
- Read vows aloud with a timer — aim for 1–2 minutes
- Trim long backstories and repeated ideas
- Do 2–3 editing rounds only, with 24-hour breaks between each
- Keep emotion fresh by avoiding overwriting
Practice
- Read aloud 3–5 times, marking natural pauses
- Underline words to emphasize
- Practice until the words feel comfortable but not robotic
Final prep
- Print or handwrite a clean copy on sturdy card or in a vow booklet
- Give a backup copy to your officiant or wedding planner
- Have a vow book ready in case nerves, rain, or tight pockets cause issues
Examples to inspire you — not copy
These snippets illustrate different tones. Use them to find the right register for your relationship — never copy them directly.
Romantic
"I promise to choose you in the quiet, unphotographed moments — on Tuesday mornings in February and on ordinary nights in 2045."
Humorous
"I vow to keep pretending you're right about how to load the dishwasher, even when the plates prove otherwise."
Humorous
"I promise to laugh at your jokes, even the terrible ones, and to forget where you left your keys at exactly the right time."
Faith-centered
"With God as our witness, I promise to pray with you, for you, and sometimes even about you when you drive me a little crazy."
Minimalist
"I see you. I choose you. And I will keep choosing you for every season we're given."
How to handle nerves on the day
Shaking hands, cracked voices, and tears in front of 120 guests? Completely normal. Often these moments become the most moving part of the ceremony.
On the day
- Look at your partner most of the time, occasionally glancing at your card
- Breathe between sentences — pauses feel longer to you than to your guests
- Ask your officiant in advance to prompt you if you get overwhelmed — a pause, a sip of water, or reading a line for you to repeat
- Embrace imperfection: if you stumble, laugh, or cry, it becomes part of your story
No one remembers a flawless delivery. They remember the genuine moment when you meant every word.
Frequently asked questions
How long should our vows be?
Aim for 1–2 minutes of speaking time per person, roughly 200–350 words. Very large weddings or tight timelines might lean shorter (around 150 words); intimate elopements can support slightly longer vows. Coordinate with your officiant so everything fits smoothly into the ceremony.
When should we start writing?
Begin light brainstorming 6–8 weeks before your wedding. Produce a first full draft about four weeks out, and finalize everything at least 7–10 days before the ceremony — well before the final vendor confirmations and rehearsal prep that fill the last week. If you're using a planning app like Eydn, adding your vow-writing deadline as a task is an easy way to make sure it doesn't get buried under everything else.
Is it okay to use online templates or AI to help?
Templates and AI tools work well for structure or prompts, but your final wording should sound like you — not a generic script. Use outside help only to get unstuck, then revise heavily with personal stories, specific dates, and details that only you could write. Your vows should be instantly recognizable as yours.
Should we share our vows with each other before the wedding day?
Both approaches work. Keeping vows a surprise creates maximum emotion in the moment; sharing them beforehand (or with the officiant) helps check tone, length, and boundaries. At minimum, agree on structure and tone during planning, even if the exact wording stays secret.
Can we write personal vows and still include traditional religious or cultural vows?
Absolutely. Many couples recite traditional vows and then read shorter personal ones. Coordinate with clergy or officiants early, as some traditions have specific rules about adding personal content. Use your personal vows to connect tradition to your modern, everyday life — showing how you'll actually live those sacred words.
Your vows don't need to be perfect — they need to be yours. Start with the reflection prompts this week, share the stories that matter, and trust that speaking from your heart will create a moment your partner will remember forever.
Keep your vow deadline on track
Eydn's AI planner auto-generates a personalized task timeline for your wedding — including vow-writing milestones — so nothing gets buried under everything else. One-time $79, no subscription.
Try Eydn — $79 one-time
